Change is Coming!

"Embrace Uncertainty.  Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won't have titles until much later."  - Bob Goff

"The Secret of Change is to focus all of your energy, not of fighting the old, but on building the new."

Today was Abby's last day at her current school.  We (as a family) have decided that we are going to have the kids change schools and because Abby would like to cheer then she must leave during this school year in order to try out for the squad at the new school.  She has been such a trooper about the decision and she has had very mixed emotions about the change.  At 14, life seems to swirl around friends, school, church, and social activities.  I know that this would be tough but I also know that she is made up of the very best of her mom and me and I believe that she will have the resilience of a weed while maintaining the grace and beauty of a rose.

Today I had to be at my Valdosta office for work and left before the kids were up.  As I was driving I remembered that I didn't get a chance to talk to her about today.  I needed to tell her some things.  She is her Daddy's Child and I know that she will handle all that will come today but she is mine and I will always worry about her.  Then I realized that today was a teaching moment that I couldn't let pass. 

Today is so much more than changing schools.  Today is about learning that the only constant in Life is Change.  I want her to learn to embrace Change.  Don't be scared of leaving the familiar in order to go into something different and possibly . . . much better.  I remember being nervous and scared when I made the decision to step out in Faith and move my little Family to Augusta, Ga in order to go back to school at the age of 40.  I can remember worrying about finding Angie a job and how would my kids respond to a new school and making new friends.  I remember wondering if I was smart enough or capable enough to handle Dental School.  I also remember thinking "If not now . . . when?"  I realized that I couldn't let fear of the unknown hold me back from making a better future for my family.  As I look back, I see that God had me in the palm of His Hand and I just needed to be brave enough to show up.  

I need her to learn that when it is time to make a change . . . Embrace it!  Your change is part of a greater plan that you won't probably appreciate until much later.  Where you have been and what you have experienced has molded you and made you ready for your next step even though you probably don't even realize it. She needs to know that the Friends that she makes throughout Life never really leave even if they may change addresses. True Friends will sprinkle your Life at every turn and the ones that you need right at that moment will be the ones that you have.  I need her to know that she is a Child of God and He will guide her and keep her but she does have to be brave enough to show up!

A Letter To My Sons . . .

Tonight as we were driving home from the ball field both of you were in the back seat laughing and playing with your sister while your Mom was on a conference call that had to do with one of her three jobs that she works while I am in Dental School.  As I drove I was overwhelmed with the blessings that she has brought to my life with not the least of which include both of you.  She is the glue in our family.  I may decide the direction but it is because of her that we get there.  I have often said that I out-kicked my coverage when I married her and I truly believe that I did.  We have been married 12 years and we dated for 5 before that so she and I have been together for 17 years and I swear it seems like we met just yesterday.  As I sat and thought these things I began to think of how I should lead you to find your soul mate and how to educate you on what you should be looking for.  As a parent I am responsible for teaching you so many things.  From the mundane to the most important, I am in charge of your development into becoming the successful men that I expect you to be.  With all of this in mind, choosing your wife is one of the most important things you will learn from me.  I knew that when I married that my wife would be the pattern that my sons would use to try and find their future spouses so I didn't settle for anything but the very best.  You have a pattern to see and watch but I feel that I need to tell you some of these qualities just in case you are too dazzled by her Beauty!   So many people today are searching for "The One" but yet they don't have a clue what "The One" should really look like.  Society has trained them that perfection is in being beautiful or in being sexy.  What I hope you hear from me is that your "perfect" woman is so much more than that.  In all honesty, when you find the "perfect" one those two attributes won't be in your top 5 even though she will probably be both.

 I hope that she is a giver.  Son, there are two types of people in this world.  There are givers and takers.  Some people give to a relationship.  They give because they love.  They don't keep score on who did what and when . . . they just give.  Then there are the takers.  These people are black holes.  They take and expect more.  They take and take and take.  If they do give they do so for a purpose and will parade their gift for others to see.   If I am successful, both of you will be givers and what I can tell you is that givers that unite with givers will find their days to be joyful but if you decide to marry a taker then you will spend all of your life giving to someone that will never appreciate you and eventually resentment will flourish.

My wish is for you to find a woman that is filled with compassion.  Compassion for others.  Compassion for you.  This world is a hard place and it is often very unforgiving.  Marry a woman that  is Christ-like in her love for others.  Someone who is considerate of the less-fortunate and has a servant's heart.  She will serve as a reminder to you that you too should be compassionate.  She will keep you grounded and focused so that you will always remember that there are others that are less fortunate and deserve your kindness.

I want you to find a woman who is intelligent and who has a good work ethic.  You will find that it is hard to be successful in life but it's even harder if you don't have a spouse that will help you work towards your common goals.  If I am successful then both of you will grow to have a good work ethic and will hopefully be goal oriented.  Look for the same.  Don't be intimidated by a woman that works as hard as you and is as smart as you (or smarter).  Number one, it will end up making your life better to have someone who pushes you and doesn't hinder your efforts.  Number two, it will make your Daddy happy because I don't want you to mess up my grand children's genetics!!

I want you to find a woman that has her priorities in order.  She needs to have God first, Family second, and then everything else  after that.  This is the order that I am teaching you and the order that I was taught by my parents.  Priorities are important because life can sometimes be a messy place and when it becomes messy you need to be able to step back and focus on the things that ground you.  Having a wife that has these same priorities will strengthen your resolve during turbulent times.

Lastly, I want you to realize that whoever you pick needs to be someone who loves you warts and all.  Son you will find that everyone will love you when you are on top of the world but my prayer is that you find that person that will love you even when the world is on top of you.   You aren't perfect and you never will be but you are perfect for someone and they will be perfect for you.  Marry well because it's forever . . .


Love,

Dad

How to Eat an Elephant . . .

Adding . . . Subtracting . . . Multiplying . . . Dividing . . . Algebra . . . Trigonometry . . . Calculus . . . These are very scary words for most people but as I looked down into those enormous blue eyes that were staring up at me and brimming with tears I knew that this little 8 year old angel was overwhelmed and petrified.  Abby has reached a point in her education that I remember all too well.  She has finally reached math.  Not adding or subtracting, not counting or something simple, no she has reached multiplication and division!  It is so easy to think that this is a simple task but I remember just how daunting that this had seemed to me when I was her age.  Abby is a very precocious little girl.  Her ability to learn often leaves me in awe, so for her to get to this stage of unhappiness not only upset me . . . it caused me to go into my no-nonsense, problem-solving, rough-as-a-cob, "Super Dad" mode.  This was not what my tender hearted little girl was expecting or needed.  I think she was wanting to just cry it out and I was supposed to rub her back and tell her that it was going to be alright . . . well all I can say is that nobody told me!  Once again my wife comes in and soothes the hurt feelings and in a very diplomatic way "educates" me on how to handle little girls.  Of course then she has to cheer me up because now MY feelings are tender because I had no intention of being such a thoughtless brute to such a sweet little princess . . . but then FINALLY Abby and I sat down and I taught her how to eat an elephant.

Now mind you eating an elephant is not as uncommon as you may think.  I seem to be constantly chewing on one.  In fact, finding the elephants to eat is the easiest part of the job.  With that said . . . Abby has an elephant and her elephant is Multiplication.  I explained to her that although she thought that memorizing her tables was just too BIG and too MUCH that she really almost had it beat.  I explained to her that there were only 13 sets and that she had already mastered the zeros, ones, fives, tens, and elevens.  That only left her with 8 for her to learn.  I then told her that even with those eight she already had 5 of the 12 facts mastered by knowing these other tables.  It was about this time I saw her eyes light up!  Some people call this an epiphany.  Some call it an "aha" moment.  But by whatever name you want to call it, I saw that she had found a foothold on her elephant and she was ready to dig in!!  I then explained about the elephant.

Abby and I spoke about how sometimes when you become overwhelmed you just need to take a step back and break it down into smaller chunks.  You then need to assess how much you already know and then you just need to dig in!  Eat a bite . . . Master it and then eat some more.  I then told her that no matter what she faced that if she would do this she would ultimately succeed.

You see I know people who give up or never try because it's too BIG and/or too MUCH.  They become overwhelmed by the task so they make excuses on why they can't or shouldn't even attempt it.  Some people see the task and then just talk about it.  They never attempt it but they continuously talk about it in the hopes that by talking about it that it will become done . . . all . . . by . . . itself.  I don't think that they choose to do this because they are lazy (although some are) but I tend to believe that they don't realize that to accomplish something you have to break it down into bite size chunks and then take that first step and commit.  Take a bite and chew!  It doesn't matter so much which part you start with . . . just start!  Every time I read the story about David and Goliath I realize two things.  In order to be successful you must first SHOW UP and then secondly you must THROW THE ROCK!! 

I left Abby in my office as she was furiously writing her twos table on the dry erase board.  She's in the process of eating her first elephant and I just pray that she will always stay hungry.  Here in my house we are Hell on elephants!

The First Bite!!

Unexpected Treasures

I was blessed with a time capsule today.  My mom found a folder marked "Personal" that she had found stashed someplace at her house and in it were things from my past.  There were cards, pictures, legal documents,  and inspirational quotes that I had saved throughout my early adulthood.  What struck me were that these things represented so many things that have shaped my life both good and bad.  So many times I think our memories of the past  get repainted.  We tend to remember only the happy times or gloss over our mistakes but life is so much more intricate than that.

One of the treasures that I found were letters and cards from both of my parents.  They were sent during my time at the University of Georgia.  After reading them I was overcome with the realization that I have always had the support and love of parents that showed they cared throughout the good and the bad times.  In a letter from Dad, he had wrote one afternoon at the bank, he simply told me about how things were going at home.  He told me about the good, the bad, and the mundane but at the end he also told me "I am so proud of you."  How many kids could stand to hear that in today's world that never do . . .  Mom sent a card telling me she loved me and that she knew in her heart that God was preparing me for great things.  She gave me in that small card reassurance during a time in my life when I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do.  Her faith in God and in me have been one of my anchors during some pretty stormy times.  I have been blessed with two Godly, compassionate parents who gave me a safe port and guidance.  I have always known they were special and I have always treasured my time with them but tonight made me realize and remember that I won't always have them but they will always be a part of me.

One of the quotes that I had stuffed in this folder was one that I had written in the margin of a page while sitting in an English class at Georgia.  It read, "If I have seen farther than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of Giants."  I don't know who wrote it but I definitely understand how they felt.

It's that time of year . . .

I guess it's weather.  It may be the slight change in temperature or the smell of freshly cut grass or a combination of all of the above but whatever it is I feel the fever of Football!  I have seen 42 Fall's as of this year and I swear I still get excited and can remember the butterflies of the opening kickoff!  I have loved this game since I was a little boy and my life has danced with this sport in a way that has not only brought me enjoyment but has moulded me into the man that I am today.  I know how silly that sounds but deep down . . . it is the truth.

My experience was blessed with great teammates who were and still are great friends.  We grew up in a rural Georgia town that was short on jobs but rich in great people.  People have often told me how racist people are in the South and all I can say is that this concept was blessedly missing in my Community.  We weren't black or white we were just teammates and friends.  We played together, ate at each other's tables, laughed and cut up, fussed and fought,  just like brothers.  When we were on the field we played as a team.  Heaven help the person that took a cheap shot or spoke a threat to one of ours . . . it would end with that person at the bottom of a pile of my teammates getting poked, jabbed, punched, and "educated" about his error!  I will never forget on one play I was running a quarterback keep around the end on the visiting sidelines and was knocked into the opposing team during the tackle.  As I jumped up one of their players shoved me.  I may have made a little comment that was a touch caustic and as their team started to join in I saw these two huge shapes step in front of me and they told them they had better leave their quarterback alone!  As we jogged back to the huddle I looked at Jeff Brinson and Mike Williams and we just started laughing . . .

We were not very big or very fast.  The teams we played were almost always bigger and/or faster but they were not as determined nor were they as tough.  We gave it our all and we played to win.  It was on these fields and with these young men that we learned that to be successful you had to work hard.  We also learned that just because you work hard that you are not always guaranteed success.  We found out that in football you can't take a play off because that is when (most assuredly) the play was coming at you!  I think about this particular lesson almost daily.  You can't afford to take a play off in life either . . . if you do then life will run the ball straight over you.  How many times have I watched people become complacent in their lives only to have some catastrophic event catch them unprepared?? We learned to pray . . . yes I said pray . . . The Lord's Prayer.  We prayed after every practice and before every game.  One of my fondest memories happened when we were playing one Friday night and one of the other team's players was on the ground hurt after a particularly hard hit.  Everyone in the stadium (on both sides) sat silent and fearful.  As we were kneeling around our Coach on the sidelines waiting we, without any discussion, took each other's hands and began praying that prayer.  I will never forget the feeling of oneness nor how empowered that I felt after this prayer.  It was at this point that I realized that a true man doesn't just pray for himself or his friends but a real man prays just as fervently for his enemies as well.  We played hard but we never lost sight of our compassion.

During this time of year I often think back not only on the game and my teammates but also of the many grown men that took their time to teach us about this game of football as well as to give us their wisdom on life.  I remember men like Keith Carter, Jack Godfrey, John Poulos, Jack Mosley, and most certainly Tom Hybl.  "One monkey don't run no show!" was one of Coach Hybl's favorite sayings and I think of that every time I start thinking that I am irreplaceable . . .  These men took their most precious asset and invested it in us.  They took the one thing that can't be replaced or hoarded and gave it to us freely.  They gave us their time.

Coach Hybl deserves his own paragraph!  He made a big impression on a great number of boys during his tenure.  This man came into a program that had just lost all of it's best athletes and had been losing and flipped it around!  I will always remember that his justice was colorblind and his work ethic was hard and steady.  He expected you to work hard and make the right choices.  He was firm but he was also quick to give you encouragement or an "attaboy" when you needed one.  He was a colorful character that could care less if anyone liked him.  He ran "the only show in town" and he was determined that it was going to be a winning show.  He had two little boys who were always on the sidelines tossing balls or running around.  The youngest went on to play golf for UGA and is now the men's golf coach at the University of Oklahoma.  The oldest played quarterback at UGA then transferred to the University of Oklahoma where he led their team at quarterback to a Rose Bowl victory and a Most Valuable Player award for his contribution.  After Oklahoma he played professional football for the Browns and Jaguars.  As a father I can only imagine how proud Coach is of his son's accomplishments but I will have to say that the most impressive thing about them is that they grew up to be polite young men with terrific personalities.

I guess that until the day I die my heart will always pump a little faster before the games and ESPN football reports will be the background noise at my house.  I now have two little boys and we throw footballs and play tackle in the backyard all year round.  I hope they grow up with a love for the game. I hope that they will also be one of "The Boys of Fall" . . . like their Dad.

Sugar Bear

When I was a little boy I used to spend every day with my Granny and Papa Hall.  They would pick me up from school and they would take me to their house until my mom would get off work and come to pick me up.  I loved them and they loved me.  It was a great arrangement in my book.  I got to stay with two people who would play with me and spoil me and in exchange I would sit in their laps and hug and kiss them.  Sweet Deal.  The only down side that I could find with the arrangement was that they felt that I needed a nap in the afternoon (usually about the time that Granny's "stories" would come on) and I felt that I was completely rested up!!  I would lay on the couch and close my eyes and try to sleep.  Usually Papa would take pity on me and would "wake" me after about fifteen minutes of my squirming and sighing.  He would then take me on walks in the woods or we would sit on his front porch and talk about catching alligators in a ditch that was close to his house.  In reality the nearest alligator was probably about an hour away in the Okefenokee Swamp but he and I would swear that we saw them lurking in the six inches of water that flowed through that old ditch!  It was during our talks and walks that he introduced me to Sugar Bear.

Sugar Bear was a bear that lived in the woods and he loved good little boys and if he ever met one he would lick the little boy's face to get his sugar.  However, if he met up with a mean little boy or one that did not listen to his grandparents then he would eat him!!  I realize that nowadays people would think that this was a cruel thing for a grandparent to tell a little kid but I thought it was wonderful!  I KNEW that I was a good little boy (no matter how many spankings that I received) because my Papa told me so.  It was with this knowledge that I grew to love stories about this bear and his exploits.  Papa would take me for walks and show me where he slept and where he ate.  He would show me where he fished or where he had ate crackers.  Papa watered my imagination with his stories and his time.  As I grew older and our family added other cousins and a little brother he would take them along on our walks and we would all hear about this crafty, mysterious bear.  I was about eight or nine when my Papa died.  I will never forget my mom telling me that he had went to heaven.  I was devastated.  Who would help me catch those gators?  Who would tell me about Sugar Bear?

I realized that it would be me.  I would take over the stories about Sugar Bear.  I would tell of his exploits.  My cousins and little brother would walk with ME and I would spin the stories of his late night explorations and would point out where he fished and took naps.  Sugar Bear is now a part of my children's lives.  I take them for walks and tell them stories.  I answer their thousands of questions about him.  He takes them on rides at night in their dreams and they know this because they wake up with leaves in their beds on those nights he stops by.  He leaves them notes and tells them how proud he is of their accomplishments.  I am watering their imaginations with MY stories and MY time.  My Papa's legacy of love lives on with every story I tell . . .

I want to be THAT man . . .

There is a man from my hometown that seems to be walking magic to my children.  They only see him at Church but every time they do see him he is smiling and he gives them a "gold" coin!  In reality it is a one dollar golden coin but you can't get Trey Sellers to believe that it is not a gold doubloon!  He is convinced that this man is a pirate and has untold treasures buried somewhere in his yard.  This gentleman gives every child at church one of these coins but he makes them feel like they are special.  I love kindness.  I love people who are kind.  If there is a trait that I hope to horde it is that.  Stanford Tillman is one of those people that I hope to one day be.  He is one of those people that when you meet him and walk away all you can think is "Wow.  What a nice guy."  More importantly he is ALWAYS this way.  I have seen people who put on their "Sunday Face" and appear kind and benevolent and then walk out the door and revert to a completely different persona.  Mr. Tillman lives his "Sunday Face".   Every time that I run into him I can promise you two things.  One:  He will be smiling.  Two:  His conversation will center around how you are doing and how he is so proud of what you are doing.  I believe that he is checking on his "investments".  He vests himself in others.    From a one dollar coin to a one minute conversation he invests in the people around him.  He cares about people . . . . and it shows.  I believe that there is a special place in Heaven for people like him.  He is such a blessing to me.

Mr. Stanford Tillman getting ready for a Church Performance

Mr. Stanford Tillman and his beautiful wife Barbara