Tonight as we were driving home from the ball field both of you were in the back seat laughing and playing with your sister while your Mom was on a conference call that had to do with one of her three jobs that she works while I am in Dental School. As I drove I was overwhelmed with the blessings that she has brought to my life with not the least of which include both of you. She is the glue in our family. I may decide the direction but it is because of her that we get there. I have often said that I out-kicked my coverage when I married her and I truly believe that I did. We have been married 12 years and we dated for 5 before that so she and I have been together for 17 years and I swear it seems like we met just yesterday. As I sat and thought these things I began to think of how I should lead you to find your soul mate and how to educate you on what you should be looking for. As a parent I am responsible for teaching you so many things. From the mundane to the most important, I am in charge of your development into becoming the successful men that I expect you to be. With all of this in mind, choosing your wife is one of the most important things you will learn from me. I knew that when I married that my wife would be the pattern that my sons would use to try and find their future spouses so I didn't settle for anything but the very best. You have a pattern to see and watch but I feel that I need to tell you some of these qualities just in case you are too dazzled by her Beauty! So many people today are searching for "The One" but yet they don't have a clue what "The One" should really look like. Society has trained them that perfection is in being beautiful or in being sexy. What I hope you hear from me is that your "perfect" woman is so much more than that. In all honesty, when you find the "perfect" one those two attributes won't be in your top 5 even though she will probably be both.
I hope that she is a giver. Son, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and takers. Some people give to a relationship. They give because they love. They don't keep score on who did what and when . . . they just give. Then there are the takers. These people are black holes. They take and expect more. They take and take and take. If they do give they do so for a purpose and will parade their gift for others to see. If I am successful, both of you will be givers and what I can tell you is that givers that unite with givers will find their days to be joyful but if you decide to marry a taker then you will spend all of your life giving to someone that will never appreciate you and eventually resentment will flourish.
My wish is for you to find a woman that is filled with compassion. Compassion for others. Compassion for you. This world is a hard place and it is often very unforgiving. Marry a woman that is Christ-like in her love for others. Someone who is considerate of the less-fortunate and has a servant's heart. She will serve as a reminder to you that you too should be compassionate. She will keep you grounded and focused so that you will always remember that there are others that are less fortunate and deserve your kindness.
I want you to find a woman who is intelligent and who has a good work ethic. You will find that it is hard to be successful in life but it's even harder if you don't have a spouse that will help you work towards your common goals. If I am successful then both of you will grow to have a good work ethic and will hopefully be goal oriented. Look for the same. Don't be intimidated by a woman that works as hard as you and is as smart as you (or smarter). Number one, it will end up making your life better to have someone who pushes you and doesn't hinder your efforts. Number two, it will make your Daddy happy because I don't want you to mess up my grand children's genetics!!
I want you to find a woman that has her priorities in order. She needs to have God first, Family second, and then everything else after that. This is the order that I am teaching you and the order that I was taught by my parents. Priorities are important because life can sometimes be a messy place and when it becomes messy you need to be able to step back and focus on the things that ground you. Having a wife that has these same priorities will strengthen your resolve during turbulent times.
Lastly, I want you to realize that whoever you pick needs to be someone who loves you warts and all. Son you will find that everyone will love you when you are on top of the world but my prayer is that you find that person that will love you even when the world is on top of you. You aren't perfect and you never will be but you are perfect for someone and they will be perfect for you. Marry well because it's forever . . .
Love,
Dad
